I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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