3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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