Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
last night I used snow as a chaser
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
