We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
