i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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