Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
