the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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