He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
