I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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