I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
