hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
