Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
