Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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