Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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