So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
