The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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