just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
