for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
