I must be too annoying 4 u.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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