theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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