happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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