Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
