My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No subtext here. People are naked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
