It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
