Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Terrible idea I love it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
