I just cut my nipple shaving
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
