i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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