You really coming over, don't trick.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
