Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
