3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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