i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
