I CAN MOONWALK!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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