he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
