I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
