no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
