So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
