I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
