So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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