Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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