hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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