OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
