Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
