you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
