Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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