I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize