And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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