One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
