True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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