I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
