i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
