The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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