a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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