Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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