I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
