It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
