My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
