Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
