I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
