My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
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