I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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