Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
