Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
false alarm. still invincible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
