Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
