I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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