Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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