Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
