i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
