In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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