Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
