Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
