Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
