Already got asked if we're dating
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
