i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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