I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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