I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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