so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize