I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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