She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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