i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
