I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize