On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
