my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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