About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Someone shattered a urinal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
