im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
