You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
